A Spiritual Lawyer's Advice

I think Perry Mason had more to do with my being a lawyer than anyone else. And watching Law & Order for the past ten or so years made me feel better about being one. But after 30 years of practice, I know for sure that truth and justice are not necessarily the American way.

The American way is more about getting one over on the other side and finding loopholes to pervert the intention of the law. While justice is something we all yearn for, in reality, it's expensive and hard to come by.

I gave a talk recently to business owners about the Top 5 Legal Tips  they should know.  I planned to talk about business formations and reading contracts before you sign them. And I did touch on that.

But I began to think more deeply about it and my advice boiled down to one piece of wisdom:
 Avoid contact with the legal system as best you can.

As a lawyer, part of the system and part of the problem, it's clear to me that  Justice  - with a capital "J" - is not only hard to get , but it will take longer and cost more than you think. So be prepared!

I've observed it's often better to step back and see what's really going on in connection with "the other side." In a partnership split, does one owner really covet the other's pretty wife and smart kids? When one sibling sues another about shares of a parent's estate, is it really about who was loved more, or whose life turned out better?

If you can come up with a spiritual resolution, you can save yourself a lot of legal fees. Maybe you just are jealous of your sibling or your partner. Whatever it is, work it out with a therapist before you sign a retainer agreement.

And if you do find yourself needing a lawyer, remember:

• If you're at the point of a lawsuit, the lawyers may be the biggest winners.
• If you're in a lawsuit, the winner is often the one who has the most money to spend.
• There is no such thing as a non-litigious area of the law. Even house closings have "the other side."
• Try not to sign something you haven't read. The fine print is written by lawyers and it can and will be used against you if a dispute arises.
• Don't be afraid to negotiate to get a better deal or remove language that can come back and bite you later.
• Trust your own gut reaction. If you don't want to annihilate the other side, maybe you shouldn't.

And who knows - if life is a mirror, and what is around us reflects us, maybe it makes sense to behave decently and you'll be treated decently in return.

If you need a lawyer, invest the time to find someone you like, who is competent and compassionate. Then if legal troubles cross your path, you'll have a trusted ally and advocate.

MyTake(andYours): JORDAN ALMONDS - Are They From Jordan?

MyTake(andYours): JORDAN ALMONDS - Are They From Jordan?

JORDAN ALMONDS - Are They From Jordan?

That’s not what this story’s about – so here’s the answer. No they are not. Here’s a little history if you need a digression. http://www.jordanalmonds.com/Pages/Tradition%20&%20History.

When my brother and I met up in Florida for the first time in about a year – to celebrate our fifty something birthdays – we  had our birthday dinner, and then we stepped outside into an upscale outdoor Florida mall – and happened upon an outdoor acoustic show, an ice scream store and something called  It'Sugar.

 Yes there is such a place and it carries exactly what you’d expect. Only unlike the mall candy stores I’d seen in the past – this place was supersized – and it carried fewer items – but seemingly picked by Martha Stewart because the colors in the various displays were so coordinated – with such abundance and sleek plastic looking  sugar coatings - that you couldn't help but approach.

And when my brother and I made our way around the plastic looking candy, walking quickly past the gummi bears, and tennis ball size jaw breakers, we both suddenly stopped at jumbo sized pastel colored Jordan Almonds. 

“I’ve  always loved them” we both said at the same time.

He immediately grabbed a bag and we surrendered to the type of indulgence one only confesses to family members or former college roommates who know the true you. We purchased some…..or I should say, my brother purchased some. A quarter of a pound to be exact.

I was witnessing a frugal Taurus, in action. I called him on it.

“Shouldn’t we get more?” I asked truly puzzled at the paltry 18 or so almonds in the clear plastic bag.

“But Sue “ he practically whined” they’re $6.99 pound. “

To me, being the overly indulgent Aries, abundance is key and this was falling far short. I piped up: “Who cares, they’re here and so are we. Do you think we won’t want more?”

He was certain we had enough and I didn’t want to look like the overindulgent person I am, so I said nothing further.

By the time we returned to the beach house, and mellowed into some 123 Boggle and mind-numbing tv favorites (e.g., Law and Order) and delicious laughs from “Modern Family” – the Jordan Almonds were gone.

Not only were they gone, by the next day – we started to make only slightly out of the way Jordan Almond runs.   CVS – which seems to be on every corner in Florida – didn’t carry them.

My brother, surprised me with abundant knowledge about food stocking - here was a family resource I was glad to tap into.... He accurately reported:”“Nah, no one carries this – CVS is paid to only carry the big brands – a one off item like this isn’t going to be here.”  Could he be right, I wondered. Surely at Easter we could find them everywhere.
But he was right. See for yourself:

                                                            NO JORDAN ALMONDS AT CVS

I was bewildered but as I perused the shelves –there was no doubt about it. There were no Jordan Almonds.  And that was true everywhere else we looked too.

Where are they from? Jordan?

Turns out we finally found them in the nut section of Publix – miracle of miracle and then had enough to sustain us for the next several days, as well as the car ride back to New York.

 Who would have thought this little Florida foray would have uncovered such a long held secret – hidden from a family member with the same DNA and same secret craving for these sugar coated delights.

I know that by the time my brother returned to California, he had given up the search for these lusty almonds. But me, well this was one familial common denominator – that once reactivated – was hard to suppress or repress.

Just as we had in Florida, I began searching for them. After all, it was the week before Easter so they should have been standly proudly beside the Little Peeps and the ever precious and wonderful Cadbury Eggs (the secret treat that Amanda and I share) – but no – the Jordan Almonds were nowhere to be found.

Not at the A & P amid the nut shelves, not in the off-major-brand drug store Value Drug – nor other places where I thought they may be – places not like CVS  which are nationwide and shut out minor brands….I learned CVS essentially only carries M&M products. I was searching for these precious nuts – not just for myself – but for my beloved brother too. He’d left some stuff behind and I wanted to surprise him by returning not only his random possessions – but also by enclosing some Jordan Almonds.

And then lo and behold – just when I had given up – there they were. Tucked on the bottom of the dried fruit and nut section of a local neighborhood gourmet store. Three little containers – incredibly overpriced (yes Richard – a lot more than the $6.99/lb) and I scooped them up – all three. (No Jessie, I didn’t leave any just in case some other desperate soul came in looking – sorry!)

                                                         HERE THEY ARE ON THE KITCHEN TABLE

So at long last I was ready to send off the little memento to my brother. But what do you think happened next?

I’d ask you to turn this upside down to read the answer, but I’m sure you don’t need to turn your monitors on end – nor do I know how to type upside down….

[Secret Answer: There is only one Jordan Almond tub remaining. I hope to send it to my brother soon– but I can’t swear to it.]

Happy Spring and Here's To Abundant Jordan Almonds - adding a sweetness to all of our lives.

Having Wrinkles in a High Def World

When Bruce Springstein took the stage at the 2012 Grammy Awards Show, he looked pretty much the same as he had 30 years ago when I saw him at Madison Square Garden. Born to Run and hot to trot. Clearly a little nip and tuck had been at play, but it was so nice to see him so energetic and seemingly still in his prime. Only he and God know whether his knees or hips were in extreme pain for the next few days.

Paul McCartney, whose big brown eyes and boyish face graced my walls for years when I was a teenager, looked not so much old as sad and tired. And no amount of flat dull matte brown hair color could change that impression. I was surprised the Hollywood hairdressers hadn’t done right by him, but even his music seemed to be missing some spark.

But none of it prepared me for the Beach Boys – the cute surfer dudes of my youth whose on screen close-ups were alarming. With their faces weathered and swollen from booze drugs and age, I barely listened to the music. Gone were the thoughts of their glorious musical genius and the happiness it brought.  There were no “good vibrations” on my end. My eyes were fixed on what they had become visually. Note to self, get to a plastic surgeon ASAP. Maybe Joan Rivers was right.

A few nights after the grammies aired, I saw a special about Lucille Ball and she looked wonderful, even as an older woman without surgery. Yes, there are wrinkles and all the rest of it, but she still had the sparkle she possessed as a young woman. Her eyes were bright and she brought a smile to my face and she was already over 60.

Many of the TV icons of my formative years were older people! Who didn’t want Marcus Welby as their doctor or Bonanza’s Lorne Greene, as their dad (or now as their lover!), or Donna Reed as their mother? Was it my perspective or was it ok to be older then?

The advent of high def for celebrities must be what "talkies" were for silent film stars.  When voice was added, those without good ones were axed.  Now that humans are to appear without wrinkles or signs of aging - what will happen?  Will today's hollywood moguls stop making movies or tv shows with anyone over 45? We would've never seen the Golden Girls!

After turning 40 as my eyesight started losing ground,I often thought maybe it’s a good thing. After all, before my glasses are on, I look pretty good in the mirror. 

As I insert my contacts lenses, and I come into clear focus, my own high def horror begins.

Lord put some make-up on that face – where did all those age spots and wrinkles come from? Maybe older people will just keep their hi def tvs a little out of focus to avoid seeing too much!

As an aging boomer, caught between twenty something children, and eighty something parents, fortunately I get another "reality" based perspective. My parents are residents in senior living places and through them I meet plenty of older people who never experience nip and tuck and look wonderful. It’s not all about wrinkles and face-lifts. Being able to laugh and smile is worth a lot more than a face without lines.

A human face sparkles if life shines within.

As these folks share their stories, I get the triumphs and the ups and downs that they  have experienced - that have molded them into who they are. I'm not focused on what a plastic surgeon might have fixed. Then again in the new high def world order, maybe that's how we're all evaluated?
Whatever....Making it through life’s ups and downs is achievement enough – fewer wrinkles or a slack chin don't matter so much at 80, any more than the indelible stretch marks that come with bearing children.

Even as I ponder the likelihood of me and plastic surgery, aging has brought me some special gifts. For starters, I've never felt as self-possessed and free to be who I am. It's been quite liberating to feel self-acceptance. Unlike many of my peers who want to turn the clock back, I have no desire to be 20 or 30 or even 40 again – even if I would be wrinkle free. Sure when I watch tennis players on TV I wish I could play as well, or at all for that matter.  But since I don't inhabit the high def screen, I can sit comfortably in the audience, with my glasses on, ogling the icons who stay forever young.

Misconceptions About the Wealthy - Maybe Warren Buffett Didn't Know?

Early in the 20th Century, F. Scott Fitzgerald observed: “The very rich are different from you and me.” But in today’s landscape they don’t necessarily think so. Many of today’s wealthy come from middle class backgrounds and exhibit the values to match. They’ve amassed wealth from successful entrepreneurial endeavors, which is to say from hard work and sacrifice.

Apart from having more money, these newly minted million/billionaires differ from traditional old money. They have not had wealth handed down from generation to generation and often share working and middle class values such as hard work and thriftiness. Warren Buffett’s idea that these uber wealthy should pay their fair share of taxes may not jibe with their underlying middle class roots; to them a penny saved is a penny earned.

Recently I had the good fortune to work with an ad agency that studies and educates high end marketers and financial service firms on the behaviors of the super rich, to help them sell - um - pander their wares to this group. Since the ad firm represented even super competitors vying to reach this group, their data and insights were invaluable. Those that market to the group that includes Warren Buffett, have a unique vantage point and are somewhat of an authority on the wealth, living and giving needs of the high net worth consumer, and how to appeal to them.

Warren Buffett is a straight shooter and someone I greatly admire, but even he may not have been aware of the following seven misconceptions about the wealthy – when he wrote his op-ed piece in the New York Times:


The Top Seven Mis-Conceptions About The Wealthy

• Today’s wealthy feel they can take it easy when they have amassed a lot of money. NO! Today’s wealthy are imbued with middle class values such as thriftiness, a strong work ethic and a belief that they can survive even without all that money.

• For most wealthy people, acquiring luxury items is deemed a rite of passage to signify they have arrived. NO! Almost half of today’s wealthy (48%) believe that many luxury items are not prudent purchases. To them, such as expensive watches, cars and jewelry are a “waste of money.”

• Rich people lose concern for price, rarely shop online and prefer having personal shoppers get what they need. NO! More than 90% of today’s wealthy are new-media savvy and will never lose concern for price or the appreciation of a good deal. They shop online for top quality items at the lowest price. And men and women shop for different things online.

• Wealthy people today believe money does buy happiness. NO! Wealthy people appreciate their wealth, but are less likely to feel that they “deserve every penny” they earn. They know money is not synonymous with happiness.

• Today’s affluent see themselves as entitled and members of an elite upper class. NO! Members of today’s affluent households don’t see themselves as traditionally “rich people”. They look for bargains at Costco, worry about food spoiling in the fridge and fret over their financial security.

• Today’s wealthy are not nimble online. NO! Today’s wealthy use email, social networking sites and rely on web sites for information about news, politics, business and lifestyle.

• Today’s wealthy are generous once they start making their fortunes. NO! Philanthropy seems to be an acquired skill and wealth people get involved in these endeavors after a good 15 years of being comfortable having “money.

Maybe Warren Buffett’s heart and thinking are in the right place, but I don't get that the 200,000 or so Americans who make over a million dollars will voluntarily ante up more taxes to help the rest of us. At least that's what this data suggests. Maybe Warren Buffett was providing a kick-off for lobbying efforts for a fairer tax system with his NY Times op-ed piece. I haven't read about any studies about whether the super rich will support candidates who want to make the tax system fairer – but it is a nice thought!

Congressman Weiner: A Man and His Wet Dream

I know it's been a while - but this latest male behavior/political folly and round o'interviews on the talk shows has prompted me to write. Last night Piers Morgan tried to convince us that the standards on these things are different for men and women. I don't think so....

One pundit, a PR expert, said if Weiner and Wife made the round of talk shows, she standing by her man - he might pull out of the mess. Then the pundit couldn't help but remark that the only way his wife would stand behind him - was with a knife in his back. Bravo! A male remark with a ring of truth. Mercifully many of the men in my day to day life who talked about this Fox News Field Day had no problem expressing shock and condemnation about what a jerk Weiner is - a pervert - addict or not. jerk moron asshole

  
Then, as part of his "heartfelt" - ha! apology he claims he's violated no congressional ethics rules and this is ok? What are "ethics?"  A code of conduct, rules of the road on decency - is he for real? Sadly this joker is a U.S. congressman and we trust him to represent us?  Is it some sort of male bonding conspiracy that enables the likes of Spitzer, Edwards, Schwarzenegger, Kahn etc. in positions of responsibility - to get away with it - for so long? Does the game of male prowess points give these guys extra credit in the eyes of other men for their "balls" ? 

Is it really a sex-based permission slip?

It makes me think back fondly to Jimmy Carter's confession three decades ago about impure thoughts - what prudes we were back then.

When good leadership is overtaken by perverted judgment, when sexual titillation and domination are more important than common sense, when men admire other men who have the balls to behave this way - this is what we all get.  So much for good government, tending to the economy or global concerns. This is the fodder of our headlines and these are the folks we have as key decision makers.

Women have been dropping out of high ranks of big business and government and the halls of "power" for a good thirty years - that's been my experience in the professional world. and this is part of the reason: many of the men we work with or for, are the arrogant pervert Weiner liars, sexually abusive Kahns, self-important Spitzers or all around admired womanizers like Schwarzeneggers.  It's tough for women to stick it out in these environments - and the 2/3rds pay is really the least of it.  It's the day to day BS we must endure when men like this are our bosses, colleagues or just run the show. 

I guess when we learn that Sarah Palin or Hilary Clinton or even Weiner's wife are doing the same thing - well then the playing field will be level. I'd like to believe that Weiner is an aberration though I truly doubt it.

I smile as I write this because I am enjoying these public hangings. I've watched years of these male transgressions on the work front and it's nice to see that there is some accountability - somewhere - after all.  In my day - and maybe still - girls secretly wanted to be prom queens who later married the likes of George Clooney. It seems our male counterparts were dreaming of becoming powerful, exposing themselves to the world, remaining on top and literally getting away with it.  

Maybe the age of Iphones, tweets, etc. has really turned out to be a real time tool for justice after all!

Florida Recharge

I've been in Florida for 4 days now. As a person who loves to escape, getting a little beach house by the ocean in the low key seaside town of Juno Beach was an idea that has improved with time.  Don't get me wrong - I always sort of wanted to live near the beach and be able to walk and bike ride on flat ground and not stress myself too much - even while working out!

But it has turned out to be so much more than that.  When I am here, it's as if I get charged by the brilliant sunshine, the beautiful flora, the sound of the ocean and the lush tropical beauty that surrounds me and seems to seep into every pore of my being.  It's as if I've landed in a place where the colors are brighter, the air is clearer, my thoughts are happier and people are friendlier.  And it's not just that I heard that it dipped below thirty degrees in NYC this week or that the early hour of darkness (no more daylight savings) is depressing my friends up north.  it's just hard not to feel good with all this sunshine - no matter what is going on in your life!

From every room in this little outpost I can see turquoise blue skies or water, palm trees, bright pink flowers - and that wonderful sound of the ocean's waves - just close enough to know it's there. I also planted some gardenias around the front yard to increase the restoration of my senses.  I know for some people meditation and yoga work - but for me - this little slice of heaven - even if only for a few days - recharges me in the way that the other stuff never did. Maybe it's the full surroundsoundness of it all.

Despite the overload of work waiting to be done, and the projects and housework that clearly need tending, it's so nice to sit with a cup of coffee and be in this world. I can't help but be grateful for my good fortune when I am here - no matter what madness is going on elsewhere in my life or the world.

I wish this peace and happiness for you all!